The Unwanted Bed Wedge and Donations

Today in 2014 I wrote that my parents decided to delay the arrival of the hospital bed, because that decision seems so final. Mom chose, instead, to obtain a wedge for the bed she shared with dad so she could sleep with her chest elevated to help her breate better. What a mistake that decision turned out to be. That wedge was huge, she used it once, and it stayed with us until my father died. 

The wedge was blue to match the bedroom walls, removeable fabric-covered foam, about 27° angle, and it took up more than 1/2 of my parents' queen-sized bed. When mom used it, she said the bottom of her spine hurt. I knew what she meant, and that position wasn't the best for her, or for anyone for that matter. But, since hospice ordered it and my parents didn't pay for it, they kept it.

Since that wedge stayed past dad's demise, it was up to me to decide what to do with that durn thing. I donated it. I hope it found a good home.

Speaking of donations, plan now to decide what you want to pass on to your friends, family, children, etc. and which things need to be donated. I had to make those decitions alone for both parents, as my siblings live out west and weren't part of the day-to-day plans and outcomes regarding either parents' deaths. My parents didn't say a word about most of their items, and I didn't know to ask. I wish I did. My life would be so much easier.

Even now, many of my parents' belongings are sitting quietly down in my basement, waiting for me to decide what to do with them.

Hospice Arrives and Our Brains Hurt

On this day, 12 January in 2014, my parents and I were introduced to hospice for the first time in our lives. Although my parents had already lost their parents, the only experience they had with hospice (that I remember) was when dad's brother engaged with hospice to help take care of his dying wife in 2007. We were intrigued, and lodged that possibility of help in the backs of our brains for future use. Now was the time to see if it would work.

I noted in a Facebook post that hospice nurses drilled my father and I with our parts in taking care of mom. Our days would be filled with counting sodium mg (3 grams per day max), liquids (no more than 1,500 ML per day), tactics on how to shoot saline into various tubes protruding from my mother's body, how to change dressings, and learning how to operate two different oxygen systems. Dad did panic once when he couldn't replace the cap correctly on mom's bile duct catheter, but he eventually got it. He also cooked most of the evening's dinner and I picked up a baked chicken at Kroger.

I don't know how many chickens we consumed during mom's illness and especially after she died, but that's a story in itself. I pray for all the chickens.

The man who brought the oxygen was entertaining. Dad had a great time talking with him. The parents had a gas fireplace, and the oxygen man was especially leery of that contraption, but dad promised they wouldn't turn it on while oxygen was in the room. We eventually stored the tanks in the corner of their master bedroom, and we "hid" the current oxygen tank in use behind the easy chair in the living room.

Now we waited for all the "contraptions" to arrive, including a hospital bed, shower chair, wheelchair, and walker. Mom was on cloud nine with all the attention, but when everyone left she became surly about the incoming items, especially the hospital bed. Dad insisted on it, though, because of all the conveniences it offered. Mom was insistent on where to place it. It would go into the living room, where anyone who visited could see it.

That hospital bed eventually became the center of attention.

The Hospital Releases Mom

 

On this day in 2014, mom was allowed to return home from the hospital after being in their bed for ten full days. We really didn't expect a release until Monday, as this hospital wasn't fond of releasing patients on weekends. Today in 2014 was a Saturday, and mom was released in the early evening...another oddity.

The doctors had put her on oxygen, as her oxygen levels were low. This situation occurs many times for long-term patients and/or those patients who suffer from lowered immune systems or failing organs. I think we all learned a lot about oxygen levels during the COVID pandemic in 2020.

I wrote that the transition to hospice would begin Sunday morning at 10 am., an appointment that will assess mom's home situation and to conduct patient intake. This is when the real journey begins, as every day was a challenge between my mother had her mercurial attitudes (which she had all her life, not just with the experience of dying), and with learning new medical procedures that I would need to conduct should hospice be unavailable for any reason.

I still have the memory of mom leaving the hospital. It was cold outside, and the nurses brought two blankets from the hospital, which I still have. Those are some great quality blankets right there.

Aging Safely Tips for Solo Agers

I can't find any notes about my mother for this day between 2012-2014. I have a feeling she was still in the hospital. Instead, I'm going to focus on a comment I found on my FB memories on this date, where some individuals were wondering what it would be like to age alone, with no spouse, children, or family close by. To answer that question, I've gathered the following information. I mean, it's not like I don't need to pay heed to these tips as well...

Tips for Aging Alone: A Friendly Guide for Solo Agers

Aging can be a beautiful journey, especially when you find yourself older than you ever thought you'd be...your life now may be filled with wisdom, plenty of experiences, and, yes, some challenges. But when you’re navigating the aging journey alone, it’s essential to plan ahead to ensure your well-being and peace of mind. If you’re a solo ager—someone without a spouse or children—here are some practical tips to help you thrive as you age.

1. Prioritize Your Health

Health is wealth, as the saying goes, and it’s especially true as we age. Regular check-ups with your doctors, dentist, and eye specialist are non-negotiable. Staying on top of your health can help catch potential issues early on. Don’t forget about mental health, too—consider seeing a therapist or joining support groups to keep your emotional well-being in check, especially if you find yourself acting and feeling depressed.

Actionable Tip: Schedule all your annual health check-ups at the start of the year and set reminders a week before each appointment. Utilize your health facility's "MyChart" to stay on top of scheduled appointments. Make sure your MyChart visits align with your calendar.

2. Keep Moving

Mobility is often a concern as we get older, but staying active can mitigate many of these issues. Incorporate physical activities that you enjoy, such as walking, swimming, or yoga, into your daily routine. Regular exercise not only keeps your body strong but also improves balance, which can prevent falls. In addition, it can help mitigate any bone density deterioration that could lead to osteopenia as well as osteoperosis. 

Actionable Tip: Find a local fitness class tailored to seniors or follow online workout videos designed for gentle exercise. If you're planning to exercise at home alone, you might need to set up some ways to deal with possible accidents. Check out #4 and #8 below.

3. Plan Your Transportation

Driving might not always be an option, so having alternative transportation plans is crucial. Research public transport options in your area, explore ride-sharing services, or look into senior transportation programs that might be available.

Actionable Tip: Create a list of transportation options and keep it handy, so you're never stuck without a way to get around. Check with your insurance and/or Medicare / Medicaid to see what transportation bennies they might offer.

4. Stay Socially Connected

Social isolation can be a significant challenge for solo agers, but staying connected is vital for mental and emotional health. Make an effort to maintain friendships and participate in community activities. Volunteering is another excellent way to meet people and stay engaged.

Actionable Tip: Join a local club or group that aligns with your interests, such as a book club, gardening group, or volunteer organization. Online activities can be just as constructive, especially if you are using Zoom or special groups to learn new skills or to share your projects and interests.

5. Adapt Your Living Space

Safety at home is paramount. Make sure your living space is free of hazards that could lead to falls or injuries. Simple modifications like installing grab bars in the bathroom, ensuring good lighting, and removing tripping hazards can make a big difference.

Actionable Tip: Conduct a safety audit of your home or hire a professional to suggest necessary modifications. You might not need these changes right now, but why not go ahead and make them so that's one less thing to deal with down the road. Of course, if you don't plan to stay home as you age, then avoid that expense.

6. Manage Household Tasks

As we age, managing a household can become more challenging. Consider automating bill payments, hiring help for heavy chores, or downsizing to a more manageable living space. Streamlining your daily tasks can reduce stress and free up time for enjoyable activities.

Actionable Tip: Use a calendar or app to track bills and household maintenance tasks to stay organized. Learn more about time management skills and pick one that works for you.

7. Prepare Legal and Financial Documents

Ensuring your legal and financial affairs are in order is crucial. Create or update your will, designate a power of attorney, and make sure your healthcare directives are clear. Having these documents in place provides peace of mind and makes things easier for those who might assist you in the future.

Actionable Tip: Consult with an attorney who specializes in elder law to ensure all your documents are comprehensive and up to date. Loan books from your local library that focus on end-of-life legalities so you can be more prepared to talk about them with an attorney or a banker.

Some books you might find at the library or used at eBay or Alibris. The following books are located at Amazon, and they are affiliate links. If you buy you don't pay extra, but Amazon pays me for the marketing. Thanks!

• Essential Retirement Planning for Solo Agers: A Retirement and Aging Roadmap for Single and Childless Adults (Retirement Planning Book, Aging, Estate Planning) by Sara Zeff Geber, 2018, four stars.
• The Solo Ager Estate Plan: Trust and Estate Essentials for Single, Childless Seniors by Anthony S. Park, 2020, four stars.
• Solo Aging Handbook: Your Guide to a Happy and Independent Retirement (Senior Survival Guides) by Craig Wallin, Kindle edition, no charge.

8. Explore Technological Solutions

Technology can be a solo ager’s best friend. From medical alert systems to smart home devices, technology can help you stay safe and connected. Learn to use tools like video calling apps to stay in touch with friends and family, and consider using grocery delivery services to make life easier.

Actionable Tip: Take a tech class at a local community center or library to get comfortable with new gadgets and apps. Don't be afraid of life alerts...some products can be used to notify authorities if you think someone is following you or if you hear someone trying to break into your house. A true lifeline for solo agers!

Embrace the Journey

Aging alone doesn’t mean you have to face every challenge by yourself. With a bit of planning and the right strategies, you can enjoy a fulfilling, independent life. Remember, it’s never too late to create a support network and adopt new habits that enrich your life. Here’s to aging gracefully and confidently—you’ve got this!

Photo by Marcus Aurelius at Pexels.